EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE AND A MEAL THAT WAS OUT OF THIS WORLD | PHOTO BY BOHDAN CHREPTAK

Over the course of the next eighteen months, I planned and re-planned our wedding day three times over in three different seasons. From this experience I feel quite well educated on the ins and outs of planning your own wedding; and contrary to what you might think, I would encourage people to make a significant contribution to the planning of their wedding day. Although I am not necessarily advising it, not having a wedding planner gave us the freedom to pivot on a dime and make choices that worked best for us in an extreme set of circumstances. Having said that, I will caution you that planning your own wedding can be an intense and all-encompassing journey; It helps a great deal if you are seriously organized and at least a little bit OCD. If you are not, be honest with yourself about that, and hire a wedding planner.

What follows is a summary of some of my personal experiences, critical areas of planning, and a long list of things you may need to consider. Supplement my advice with your own research based on things like the size of your wedding, the importance of the various traditional wedding approaches, and design/aesthetics choices. Having one to two years to plan your wedding, from the announcement of your engagement, is advised.

I highly recommend pre-planning as many things as possible twelve to four months before the wedding; so that when you are in the final stage—three months before your wedding date—you can direct your attention to the other 5672 things that you did not realize you would have to tend to. You think I’m joking. How much do you want to enjoy your wedding day?  Come back and share your comments with me after the ceremony. I’d love to hear how it all went.

I ASSURE YOU; HE IS OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK | PHOTO BY BOHDAN CHREPTAK

ORGANIZATION
Organization is CRITICAL; did I mention it’s CRITICAL; it’s CRITICAL.

• Very early on, start a wedding guest list and edit it down to the number of guests you would like to have and/or must have in attendance. Decide who is going to be invited to the ceremony and reception. This will help you make decisions on the seating number you need for each part of the wedding day and will help direct your venue search.
• Prepare a Word or Excel document with a table to separate your guests and have columns to check off things like the following: invitation sent, invitation accepted (yes, no, undecided), guest of (bride or groom), relationship (with bride or groom), table they will sit at (head table, guest table etc.), accommodations (hotel, transportation), disability (wheel chair, walker), food allergy/intolerance, mailing address, email address, and phone number. The venue will likely require a detailed guest list with a lot of this information; so if you are keeping it up to date it will be easy to clear out the columns they don’t need and hand over what they do need. Everyone attending your wedding including the photographer and beauty team should be on that list. Everyone needs to eat during the day and evening.
• Prepare a document with your wedding day schedule dividing the day up into 15–30-minute segments. Include key details of your ceremony in that schedule. As you get closer to the day this will be important. Your guests, including hair, make-up, minister, and photographer, will want and need to know where they are supposed to be at any given moment of the day. Your general schedule will include information for each of your guests, with venue and church addresses; and when you get closer to the day you can edit the schedule based on what each individual needs to know. Your wedding day schedule will also be important to organize the contracted hours your photographer will be documenting your wedding.
• Prepare a “General Research” document and sync this document up with your phone or tablet. Alternately, have a Notes App on your phone where you can record advice or information and then transfer it later to this document. When Aunt Sally gives you great advice during Thanksgiving dinner, something you never thought of, record it right away. You will be glad you did.
• The most important organization tool will be your “twelve months to the wedding” schedule. This is a table, or word document with each month highlighted, and a bullet point list of items you need to take care of in that month. As you plan and research your wedding day you will quickly learn what needs to be done, and when. For example, your final wedding dress fitting is planned very close to your wedding day so that your dress size is stable, whereas the wedding dress purchase can be planned well in advance of that. Another example, you can apply for your marriage license three months before you marry, but not earlier (Ontario Canada).

THE ROOM BUZZING WITH CONVERSATION ALL EVENING | PHOTO BY BOHDAN CHREPTAK

WEDDING OUTFITS

• I have had a stable weight most of my life. I purchased my wedding dress a year before our wedding without much concern for weight gain or loss. Two years through a pandemic I was ten pounds heavier, and during the height of wedding planning craziness I had to lose those ten pounds in order to fit back into my wedding dress. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Don’t make any assumptions.
• I only had a maid of honour at my wedding. It was a personal choice as my decision to have the big white wedding was already a very big step for me. I did not organize the additional outfits for bridesmaids, but I can only imagine that it’s a lot of work and needs to be planned very early on.
• Men generally order their suit closer to the wedding day, but if there are more than a few groomsmen to organize then you want to start planning the suits early.
• If you have decided to plan/design your own wedding day I highly recommend you keep the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen to a minimum. And it’s a bonus if some of them are dependable helpers because you will need the extra help.
• Make sure you have spent some time walking around in your wedding day shoes prior to the wedding day. You will be walking and dancing in them all day long. Have band-aids handy in case you need them; and if they are not comfortable don’t buy them.

BRO TALK WITH THE GROOM AND BEST MAN | PHOTO BY BOHDAN CHREPTAK

RECEPTION VENUE

• Make sure you fully understand the contract you have with your venues; and I would advise that you have options to get out of the contract if your venue cannot provide their service within a reasonable period of the contracted date. Negotiate if there will be a “restocking fee” if you back out and be comfortable with losing that amount of money. We were locked into a contract with a sizeable deposit, and I would say most of our pandemic wedding frustrations arose out of that challenging situation.
• Use as much of the venue supplied materials as you can (linens, dishes, etc.); it is a ridiculous amount of work to organize the ordering, delivery, and removal of all these necessary items, within the short time frame that your venue will allow on your wedding day.
• When you are planning your wedding colour scheme, factor in all the finishes within the venue (wall paint, chair fabrics, linens, woodwork, etc.)
• During your early visits to the venue take photos of everything in the space, and before you arrive ask that they put out a table setting so you can see how the linens, furniture and dishes look together. This will be your starting point for the table decor. Also measure how much space you have in the middle of the table for the centerpiece. You want your guests to be able to see each other and eat without fern fronds hovering over their soup bowl.
• Make sure you understand what you can and cannot do with the space; do not assume you can tape anything to the wall; ask what all your options are and have it put in writing

CELIA FINDS SOME TIME TO CONNECT WITH HER DAD | PHOTO BY BOHDAN CHREPTAK

CEREMONY VENUE

• Ensure that in your contract the ceremony space will be cleaned prior to your arrival; and describe what “clean” means. Many of the wedding venues rotate three to four ceremonies/weddings a day through their chapel or event space. It is not your responsibility to clean up after the previous wedding. There should be a penalty to the venue if the space is not ready for you.
• Understand how much time you have prior to the ceremony to bring in and organize your decorations. For example, we were given fifteen minutes prior to guests entering the chapel. This is not the time to be glueing last minute decorations together. Everything must be ready to be put in place including matches on hand to light candles.
• If you have a very short time frame for decorating keep things to a minimum. We had two large floral bouquets at the front of the room, a few hanging florals along the pews, two empty vases to hold the bridal and maid of honour florals, and some candles. Those few items took the full allotted time to put into place.
• Ask the venue what you are allowed to remove from the space, keep in the space, and bring into the space (e.g., real candles). Photograph these items so that you can send an email to the venue in the weeks prior to the ceremony to confirm the items you are expecting to be there. Venues redecorate. Do not expect it to look the same as it did 12 months earlier.

JUSTIN ENTERTAINS THE GUESTS; CELIA CRYS FROM LAUGHTER | PHOTO BY BOHDAN CHREPTAK

WEDDING CEREMONY

• Your wedding ceremony is a wonderful item to focus time on in the early planning months. There is no need to leave this to the last minute. Plan everything right down to the music before, during and after, the processional, the recessional, and the vows you and your partner will recite to one another. Don’t leave this item to the stressful period at the end, when you and your partner will be more likely to argue over these small details.
• When you eventually coordinate with your wedding DJ the music can be confirmed in advance, with minor last-minute changes if need be.
• Plan for a ceremony rehearsal so that everyone in the processional knows their music cues, seating location, and responsibilities during the ceremony.
• It is a lovely feeling when you click with your minister. Take the opportunity to get to know them so that you have a relationship when they guide you through the wedding ceremony. My husband and I included a ceremony rehearsal in our package. We witnessed how important it was for both our wedding party and our minister to walk through the details. It helped put everyone at ease on the day of the wedding.

CONNECTING WITH OUR CHERISHED FRIENDS | PHOTO BY BOHDAN CHREPTAK

EVERLASTING WEDDING FLORALS

• If you are a creative person with some basic floral skills, consider creating your wedding florals with everlasting (artificial) flowers. All my wedding day bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages, and table arrangements were made this way and stored until the wedding day.
• Artificial florals are expensive, and you may spend a few thousand dollars for the materials you need; however, if you request that your wedding party return their pieces after the ceremony, there is a hot market for selling a full collection of wedding day florals.
• Early in your planning determine where you are going to buy your materials and if you have access to wholesale pricing. Factor in ribbons, pins, vases etc.
• You might want to purchase your wedding floral material early in the planning stage and use them as a guide for your wedding colour scheme. This way you are not forced to purchase more expensive items to fit into your existing décor.
• It takes a lot of time to put together an arrangement and/or hot glue small floral pieces to a corsage. Between purchasing the materials, assembling all the florals, and packing them for transportation, I spent five long days at work.

A BEAUTIFUL WEDDING CAKE DECORATED AND BLESSED WITH LOVE | PHOTO BY BOHDAN CHREPTAK

WEDDING DAY ACCESSORIES

• It is quite amazing how many wedding accessories you may need for the day. Organize items in labeled boxes so that things are easy to find and deliver to the location where you need them.
• Getting ready the day of your wedding you will need your robe, slippers, snacks, water, all your wedding garments, jewelry, pins, extra undergarments, etc. This is all in addition to what your hairstylist and make-up artist will require you to bring. Make sure you have discussed this with them in advance.
• If your photographer is taking pictures while you get ready, they often take a few accessory photos which highlight your shoes, rings, hair pieces, florals, invitations etc. These photos are a nice keepsake and a reminder of the smaller but important details. I planned what those accessories would be and added a few items like candles, crystal stones, and the perfume bottle. I put them all in a box labelled “wedding day accessories for photographer” and gave them to her when she arrived at the hotel. While I was busy getting my make up applied she arranged all the pieces together and took some beautiful photos (see My Wedding Story Post One: Image No. 2).
• For your “first look” photos, especially if they are taken outdoors, make sure to have an umbrella that coordinates with your wardrobe. There is a very good chance it could rain on your wedding day. Plan for it. You only have one chance to get those photos, and walking in the rain with a beautiful big umbrella over your head is equally as beautiful. I did not think of this in my wedding planning but thankfully my maid of honour did, which resulted in the stunning wedding umbrella photos in My Wedding Story Post Two. More importantly you do not want to be shivering in a wet wedding dress during your wedding ceremony. You will be nervous enough already.
• Consider accessories for your photoshoot. I borrowed some beautiful and very old vintage coats from my maid of honour which I wore during our “first look” photos and our “hallelujah” photos. It was November. It was a rainy day. I was very grateful for those coats and they looked spectacular.

SWEET EMOTIONAL MOMENT BETWEEN THE GROOM AND BRIDE | PHOTO BY BOHDAN CHREPTAK

PHOTOGRAPHER

• I cannot emphasize enough the importance of hiring a good photographer. You want someone who is reliable, and able to navigate all the possible scenarios and challenges that could occur; if it rains, snows, or lightning strikes and you must move indoors, if the interior lighting is bad, or the location conditions are sub-optimal, you still want great photos.
• Check if you need a permit to take photos in parks, art galleries etc., and make sure they are closely located to your venue.
• Travelling long distances on your wedding day is such a time sink and better you are spending that time with your guests. They came there to be with you. I have been to weddings that span a whole day, and you only see the bride and groom for thirty minutes before the reception. To be honest, it was boring. My husband and I photographed our “first look” photos just before the wedding ceremony. That way we could be with our guests afterwards. In our situation things got complicated because of the pandemic so we had to change our reception venue at the last minute, but we originally planned it that way and still tried to maximize the time we spent with everyone.

CATCHING UP WITH THE PEOPLE WE LOVE | PHOTO BY BOHDAN CHREPTAK

WEDDING DAY ASSISTANT

• If you have decided to design and plan your own wedding, you will need a wedding day assistant. This would be an individual who is not a wedding guest and will be your right-hand person to take care of things that you absolutely will not have time to do. Know this: you will be getting your hair and makeup ready, taking photos, getting married, dancing with your new hubby, and talking to guests, the entire day and evening.
• Start making a list of things for your wedding day assistant early on in your planning and consider who that person might be. Add them to your guest list as they will need to be fed and will likely work long hours starting early in the morning through to the end of the evening when everything must be removed from your reception venue.
• Every task they need to do for you should be documented very clearly, with supporting images. For example, here is a photo of the floral bouquet that goes on the alter; here is a photo of the alter; here is a photo of the candle holders that go on the alter and here is how they should be arranged; this is the box where you will find the matches; have this box (name on box) delivered to my bridal day room by 2pm etc. You do not want your wedding day assistant running to you with questions every 30 minutes.
• I thought I would have lots of time to chill during my wedding day, but the day went by in a blur; and as it turned out, the bridal day room I was supposed to be in, was changed at the very last minute. I ended up in a room far from the chapel while I was getting prepped for the ceremony; so people had to run back and forth a long distance to ask me questions, and thankfully there weren’t a lot of questions. The challenges that arose were taken care of without me, in no small part because everyone knew what to do, and where they had to be.

I feel that there is so much more I could share with you around the planning of our wedding day. I have covered the most important tips. Leave comments or questions in the comment section and I will share or embellish what I can. This is the end of my six-part wedding story. It was a hell of a journey, and for all the stress and chaos I do not regret the creation of, and subsequent enjoyment of, the many perfect moments. Those very special memories will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I leave you with a video from our wedding dinner which includes our first dance, and a beautiful, touching, and hilarious speech from my husband, soulmate, and best friend Justin. I am so very grateful to Justin’s mom for capturing our wedding dance on video. What a wonderful gift to have recorded, and another beautiful memory stored in my treasure chest of perfect moments. Blessings and love to everyone.

Return to My Wedding Story | Part One

BOHDAN CHREPTAK | PHOTOGRAPHER
Blessings and many thanks to Bohdan Chreptak for capturing a few sweet moments from our wedding dinner (My Wedding Story | Part Six). There was some conspiracy between Bohdan and my Uncle Marcel around how Bohdan was compensated for his efforts, but neither would fess up. So big kiss to both of you for working your magic and gifting us these beautiful and cherished memories.

TREMONT CAFÉ | RESTAURANT
If you are ever in Collingwood Ontario and you want to treat yourself to something extra special, stop in and have a meal at the Tremont Café—or book your wedding dinner there, like Justin and I did. The ten-course meal they made for our wedding was out of this world. The evening could not have been more perfect. I will hold onto those beautiful memories for the rest of my life. Many thanks and blessing to the Tremont team.

MY WEDDING STORY | PART ONE
MY WEDDING STORY | PART TWO
MY WEDDING STORY | PART THREE
MY WEDDING STORY | PART FOUR
MY WEDDING STORY | PART FIVE
MY WEDDING STORY | PART SIX