NUITH, THE COSMIC IDEA OF LOVE

Valentine’s Day was never a day that I typically felt the need to celebrate, it being so heavily commercialized and expensive. Any day of the year could be Valentine’s Day when you set the intent to pay homage to your romantic relationship. Anniversary dates are great days for this; but as luck would have it my husband and I made the decision to formally date one another on Valentine’s Day.

And this Valentine’s Day—February 14th, 2024—is an extra special date, as we are also celebrating our seven-year anniversary. Not only did our relationship make it to this noteworthy milestone, but we survived the pandemic. For that reason, I have chosen this auspicious day to launch my beautiful new platform NUITH | NEWEARTH and I excitedly look forward to the adventure it will take me on.

Romantic relationships play a significant role in our spiritual growth and there is a GREAT deal to cover on this topic. For this introductory post, I thought it would be relevant to share some insight into what I feel was the key that opened the door to our marriage. By no means will this advice apply to or resonate with everyone. We are each on our own unique journey in life. However, I would call myself somewhat of an expert if only for my three decades of dating experience prior to settling into a successful marriage.

To say that dating is hard is a gross understatement, especially in today’s online dating culture. Profiles on dating sites are like Facebook feeds—where the vast majority of people will only post their happy moments or reflect the very best of themselves. Which is arguably fair but not an honest portrayal; and then there are the stories to tell about those first coffee dates. It is shocking how often people show up looking very different from the photos they posted, and/or had little in common with their very own written profile.

I can reflect on one meeting, where I had spent considerable time talking to a man on the phone before getting together. He insisted that we have dinner, insisted on paying for it and refused to downgrade to a coffee date. When I arrived at the restaurant, I immediately noticed that he was not 6’ tall as his profile indicated, but more like 5’-9”. That would not have bothered me had he been upfront about his height, but the fact that he lied on his profile—with lots of time to fess up in our phone conversations—was a huge red flag. I was so angry about this and so tired of being lied to, but I had taken valuable time out of my life to be there at that moment. I decided to enjoy the expensive dinner and wait until afterwards to tell him that I didn’t see the relationship going anywhere. He was noticeably angry, but I left him to stew in his anger with a silent prayer that one day he would understand the role he played.

This small story lives in an ocean of supporting stories, and is a perfect example of why dating and even relationships have become so toxic. The level of dishonesty is profound, especially when you look at the layers upon layers of lies that we weave into our mask—”the mask” being the persona that we show the world in the hopes that someone will love us. Even as you read this, your higher self is acknowledging that it is quite ridiculous to expect someone to love you for who you are, when you portray yourself as someone so very different. Yet the narrative—that only perfection is lovable—has been woven so deep in our psyche, that the idea of revealing ourselves in truth to another is terrifying.

TO SAY “DATING IS HARD” IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT

There is a lot to unpack in that last paragraph and I will return to this concept again in future posts. Let me begin the unpacking by sharing a short story: When my husband Justin and I met, one of the things that sparked mutual interest was our unique understanding of what we felt was necessary in building trust in our relationship. We both had enough relationship experience to know what it feels like to be lied to, and that even the smallest of lies can start a snowball effect of distrust. Through multiple conversations we agreed to speak candidly with one another about everything. For example, if I went to the gym to work out and I noticed someone at the gym “checking me out”, and it evoked a reaction in me like, “oh that guy is hot and he’s checking me out”, I might think the event was insignificant and keep it to myself. Instead, we shared those experiences with each other, especially the ones that were uncomfortable.

There is something very powerful about putting our uncomfortable experiences on the table in front of our partner. You will immediately suck any joy out of the experience, especially where your thoughts and/or actions lack integrity. The secret pleasures your ego may have felt earlier, instantly turn to a sick, guilt ridden, murky kind of terror, as you await the reaction of your partner. However, that is not the worst of it. Putting your “shit” on the table is where your most important work begins. In the next moment you must hold space for your partner while they deal with their own reaction. Sometimes the reaction is insignificant; but we are all wounded creatures, arguably carrying some of those wounds from our parents, previous generations, and even past lives. How each individual reacts to truth will be very different.

Justin and I called our discussions “open heart” because that’s what they are, an opening of the heart. Sharing your truth—removing your mask—is an act of courage you won’t even begin to understand until you’re in the middle of it. The possibility of rejection is terrifying, as is the painful and ugly wound that may begin to fester in you, or your partner. Your every instinct will be to run the other way, and you will tell yourself that the relationship is doomed—and it will certainly be doomed if you run.

What Justin and I discovered after a solid year of “open heart” discussions, was that rather than our relationship dissolving, it did the opposite. It became stronger. Trust grew rapidly, and thrived in the knowing that we were both committed to NOT deceiving each other. Love grew and thrived in the knowing that no matter how ugly our wounds were, we were still loved, and loved, and loved some more, until the wounds healed over.

Abdi Assadi writes in his book Shadows on the Path, “[] every fiber in our unconscious rejects standing emotionally naked in front of another, stripped of all our masks.” He goes on to write, “Our stories allow us the illusion of being in control and keep us safely in the past;” but it is precisely these stories—the web of lies intricately woven into our mask—that keep us from “a true unveiling of ourselves before another being”.

Relationships are a rich fertile ground for nurturing and exploring our authentic self—which is the person we really are behind “the socially perfected mask”. The work requires more courage than you can ever imagine, but with the right partner—someone who understands the concept and is ready to do the work—the rewards are worth every minute.

Remember this Valentine’s Day that although they are a very thoughtful gesture, the expensive dinner and bouquet of red roses doesn’t hold a candle to “I see you and I love you still”.

FIRST LOOK WITH JUSTIN AND CELIA ON THEIR WEDDING DAY

All of the written content for Nuith|NewEarth comes directly from the consciousness of humans, and mostly from the consciousness of Celia Alida Rutte. No artificial intelligence has been employed to write these messages. The writers work and creative struggle was real. Credit to the author noted above is deserved and greatly appreciated.